PART 1 – FUZZY INTERFERENCE
(From Leslee: I’m posting this in three parts – all on the same day – because of its length. Through these articles I’m sharing some personal points of view and explaining why I didn’t post regularly on my blogs for several months recently. These are all my words and opinions… aside from the Ghost Radar.)
23 March 2014
[golden Milarepa mother-ship Phabongkha though casey bad important produce alien owe curve]
PART 1: FUZZY INTERFERENCE
I woke up with that strange feeling again today. I’m going to call it Fuzzy Interference (FI).
It’s been a while since I’ve felt it, and this time I’ve decided to write about it. It’s a large part of why I was offline for so many months because it took me a while to get a sense of what was going on, and how to transform it.
It’s that feeling I get when I wake up and feel a bit fuzzy. I‘d prefer to stay in bed, but since I “must” get up and get going, I move forward and kind of flip my “numb” switch so I can make it through – to work, school, cleaning – whatever it is that I’m “obligated” to do that day.
It’s not depression. It feels like it comes from somewhere outside of me. It feels like a nagging tickle on the nape of my neck, and it’s very distracting. If I wanted to remember a dream or follow a train of thought, it seems particularly difficult. It feels like someone is scrambling my thoughts, emotions, sensations on a subtle level. It might frighten me if I didn’t understand it somewhat.
It feels heavy. It feels locked in this world. It wants to draw towards itself all the negative views, sense of impending doom and expectations of certain misfortune that can arise when, instead of focusing on what I wish to envision, or where I am at the present moment, I wonder about what might happen. It sinks and stinks and draws, pulls, hurls downwards. It’s like a bully, taunting from just a slight distance.
And even if I get up and go for a walk or wash the dishes, it may remain there in the background of the awareness, nibbling away like a mouse in a bag of grain.
I began paying close attention to it several months ago, and I discovered some easy, immediately-available possible remedies. Moderate exercise like a brisk walk in nature helps a lot. Getting out and being around other people – strangers in particular – helps. Sometimes talking with friends makes it worse. It seems that breaking patterns helps to loosen the quagmire. Calling it out also helps: “Hello, I see you – have a nice day!” can powerfully defuse the situation.
I also asked some questions about its source. I wanted to know: is this a chemical imbalance in my body, is it purely mental, is it energetic?
Or is it being caused by something outside myself? (Hang on, let’s come back to this shortly.)
This morning I deal with it by sitting here writing this, despite the FI going on, because I know from experience that my making effort in another direction (please note this differs from struggling against it) will cause it to dissipate. Meditation does this too, but I want to use writing this time.
Usually I ask Heruka for help with it, but this morning I want to see what happens if I just write.
So I request clarity.
I go back and examine my day yesterday. It was a good day. Got some exercise, ate reasonably well, did some things I enjoyed, got enough sleep last night. Check. I did do a lot of thinking about “stuff”. And I made several posts. That’s like asking for energetic trouble.
Because you see, FI almost always comes shortly after a powerful insight, as if to question, to mow down the newly-sprouted understanding. [copper] So actually I suppose I could pat myself on the back when it pops up, and just hang out until it passes.