Writing — Because I Can

Coming out of my 2020 cocoon to share what’s been going on with me. Wishing everyone peace and happiness!

leslee hare

desk-with-laptop-and-draft notes

July 2020 will ring in my memory for a while. Not because of COVID-19, protests, elections, or wildfires. On July 7, a video chat announced that I’d lost my job.

For the third time in four years, unemployed. My inner liberty bell rang — time to quit trying.

The job-loss showed me how deeply Autism* and my concussions** had eaten into my ability to ‘play architecture’ in a traditional setting. The anxiety and PTSD, accumulated across four decades of laboring in a field I not-so-secretly despised, overwhelmed me. Exhaustion had eaten my free time; depression stalled my creativity. And I needed to learn why my body experienced crippling pain.

With decisions to make and resilience shredded, I froze. Gaming, Mexican food, ice cream, and whisky kept me distracted until I admitted it: I didn’t care whether I lived or died.

Since my early twenties (that’s 30-plus years), I’ve dealt with…

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A Way Out

…..
…..
A WAY OUT

We try to confront one another
Face to face, as seen in a mirror
But inevitably we see things differently
On this plane our views will always conflict

The one view being the other’s complete opposite
Whatever is on my left is to your right
While if it is on my right it will be to your left
Impasse! Deadlock! Despair! You think?

Now here’s the thing … Try looking up
We both see the same heavens, the same light
Look down and we see we stand on the same ground
So let’s stand side by side, give ourselves a chance

Analysis

Ben Naga

ANALYSIS

Deep night finds blossoming in dawn, where light
And shadow crystallise into a dream
Fit to enchant the dormant mind that might
Forever seek in vain to find a seam.

And is it with the day the mind begins,
Or is it that the mind begets the day
For light to rid the onion of its skins
And tinker with the clockwork in the clay?

Things change, things change beneath Eternity,
And when analysis shall have an end
What will remain? Beside a gallows-tree,
A victory banner floating on the wind.

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