PAIN
“Why is it so hard for some to show and others to see?”
Perhaps it is the fear of pain.
It is widely believed that the opposite of love is hatred, but closer examination reveals that the true opposite of Love is Fear; hatred always has its roots in Fear.
Fear makes us close up and deny; Love invites us to open and share.
Perhaps it is only when we readmit Love that the healing of the pain can begin.
Spirit Train Chronicles 
If it is indeed an unending cycle then I suppose we have to acknowledge it as such and learn what we can from it while trying to minimise the damage. I sometime wonder what became of work corrosive “colleagues” Christine and Sandra. Thankfully that was some years ago. And then there are my parents of course, but they have now long passed over.
Your appreciative response is much appreciated. Thank you. Stay well.
Hi Ben – I appreciate this post. Thank you. Someone at work I’ve been watching who is terrible and very abusive to everyone – was in turn “socially” abused herself, as a part of the “wolf pack” mentality so prevalent in business. Alphas and betas – the abusers and their followers… it seems to be a neverending cycle.
I hope I am reading most of this correctly. My brothers and sisters xx
did you say you stood in your version of my history? that’s interesting.my only version or standpoint of your version and you and yourself is here and now and what you say based on the alternate version…..
I feel like I will instantaneously have children
I would never make the mistake of thinking that another person’s experience is the same as mine. That is why I wrote only about a (probably) version of that history and experience. I hope that makes things clearer for you.
I totally understand how you feel Susan.. i’ve read all your comment & agree. I’ve been physically & psychologically abused & some people (like naga) don’t get it.
After being with my (who i thought & felt) was my best friend for 6+ yrs I broke it off due to lack of physical affection and the cascading effect showed me who that person really was. Back stabbing, gossiping, sex with friends & total disregard for the LTR we had.
The past few years I vowed to never trust anyone again. Very slowly have i been coming around. Very slowly.
Yesterday i watched a kids movie? Called Strange Magic (LucusFilms) & there’s a scene were 2 main characters say “Can’t trust anyone!” at the same time. From there i lost it.
Truth is: We CAN trust again if we choose to & how we choose to react to it.
Only take what Naga says with a grain of salt & do what you feel is best for YOU.
Blessed be.
thank you!!! that’s a first time someone really responded to me what “I” was saying and not their version or how they understood it lol!:) feels so good ya know.. to connect.. I appreciate both as living beings but people like us still need to actually connect too!! I appreciate what Ben says.. but sometimes we need to actually have a true communication….. :)! and also I went through that too.. what you described in the relationship….for me ive had to accept that some people do nor grow up but have a need to satay in the parent child role and not a male female role. and if that’s the case that’s ok.. just needs to be avoided and respected too! but do not try to have a sexual relationship with someone in that position.. even if he/she went off and did have sexual relations with others it wasn’t real..it wasn’t anything but a reaction.. not their authentic self…I think..she cant make herself understood by going and doing an opposite action of what she said she wanted…she hurt herself.. and its good youre away from that and growing and learning..
I will probably have to accept love from strangers one day. I feel that and I have been fighting it.
at the same time I need/want to get to know them
the astral community…
ive been warned against it too.
I don’t feel as if I am a member of any community. Never did. I have my own community. I am quite willing to open diplomatic relations with others though. 🙂
~~~~~~~
TRAVELLING
Here a trunk
…full of souvenirs
There a wardrobe
…full of costumes
A comfortable chair
…to enjoy the present
A mirror
…… for reflection
And an open door
…with a WELCOME mat
…for the future
“In the night the walls disappeared
In the day they returned”
This is room enough
…for a journey
its also the conclusion I came to recently//other beings stood in their version/perception of MY reality.. and it wasn’t true from their standpoint.. and they are unable to see truth of mine and also that’s OK!!! I don’t need them to at all.. I didn’t ask them nor invite them at anytime..and also their inability to see it as it really was is also something I don’t need to know/hear about as that is further injurious.. (who would need that?) only good about it is the relationship ITSELF….. the fact that even by being curious any beings in any place in time even came to look at or peer at MY life in any way shape or form is of ITSELF a great thing… but to offer help and words that only make things worse is not needed respectfully said….that happens a lot…I will ask ANOTHER type of being who proves he DOES know to handle that aspect.. and also myself alone knowing truth is more than enough. I have no need to be believed. I prefer truth.i will not accept their view or standpoint (of my life)even if it was better……………………I prefer truth. many don’t. if I knew why maybe thatd help. with interaction…I have had a feeling that a loving God simply causes one to forget happenings and I took that as dishonest…..the forgetting part…….maybe was just to help…..so I might have a great place I am in another plane where all bad was forgotten and my friends up there and came here and cant understand why im saying the things did happen…… (seeing me so happy in the forgetting or even PRIOR to any bad happening) they prefer to keep me in that state…that means I do work FOR THEM at this point… its a loss at that point…I have my memory and daily experiences and if all they can say is its not true.. it wont be trusted… its them who want to stay “there” knowing im not…! that’s scary to anyone…but may be the only way too… as in forgetting or something not happening in the first place..true real joy is reinstated/always was…… but in healing!! you go THROUGH the traumas.. you heal… you are DIFFERENT. you are an injured being with a big scar as opposed to the happy joyful one who actually never had it… I deal with these two everday I guess we all do….would you choose to forget? and be your whole true self in perfect joy? or to heal…? which is entirely different……….this is in the bible… both are… you cant choose one! they do not go together at all and do not mesh together one bit.. its one or the other.so if people do deny anything happened I am starting to wonder if its ascencion process as also detailed in many books..including bible
“he makes me to forget”
“I will make her forget”
as opposed to
“I will heal all her wounds”
“why is there no healing for the daughter that is my people?”
coming at me either one of those will have me suspicious in fact.
the perspective of such.. beings who would do either is suspect. if not properly introduced.
it says she refuses healing
and it also says “for her sake we will not forget”
both are being rebelled against for a reason
that’s what has to be addressed.
will I ascend with or without knowledge
both have been offered to me
so two sides and two different classes of beings find me … well.. someone to talk to…
they feel involved in direct fate with me
its new to me. I handle it …well not smoothly. as would be understood if they knew me…who are “they”? lol I either forgot, or never knew
” but in healing!! you go THROUGH the traumas.. you heal… you are DIFFERENT. you are an injured being with a big scar as opposed to the happy joyful one who actually never had it”
Yes. I can vouch for that. And it hasn’t stopped me from enjoying moments of joy, pace and contentment. Wishing you well on your journey, Susan.
PTSD
Disturbing images
Still after all this time
Scratches soon disappear
Scars remain forever
https://bennaga.wordpress.com/2016/01/23/ptsd-a-four-by-six/
he actually was studying to be a priest and I trusted him.. and I confided in him a very personal matter..and asked for a prayer..
turned out he wanted to FEEL like he was “helping” me and “correcting me” even MORE than actually doing it..for when I told him..about my problem he said I fabricated it.. and that it never even happened.. and that was his way he said of HELPING me.. and so when I protested it and said no im serious this thing did happen to me.. he said no it didn’t.. but I am helping you by telling you it didn’t lol
I was shocked…
but there are people like this…
I have learned that it is a good idea not to give your power away to others, whatever labels they choose to wear. Listen by all means but remain the ultimate judge. (Although it seems you already know that. 🙂 )
yea I know its just annoying to be always surprised when I find myself in that position of defending myself out of the blue so often.. im mad at myself too that I get upset by it yet need to defend my humanity and defend the fact that im glad that I can still get upset! by what should be upsetting! many just numb out,,
I even told him that.. the person that offended me.. I told him im glad I can still get upset..its a part of me I do want to keep… I just want it respected.. (don’t offend) the power thing I don’t know anymore what that means
my power may be that I can still get upset and offended
for others it means NOT getting upset…
im teetering between the two… trying to decide.. a better way
What I mean by power in this context is one’s ability to judge, react and act accordingly. So being upset, defending yourself, walking away and avoiding whoever is belittling you. All these are part of your power. Losing all trust has a big cost attached. What you and davidbearphx have experienced. Yes, been there, done that is they say, Of course I speak of “My Version” of it as each of us has an individual experience which is unique and I sometimes shudder when I hear someone say “I know exactly what you mean” or similar words. But that’s me. 🙂 I would like to live without trust, but those I trust are very few. I am quite open at a surface level but very wary of becoming more open. The more precious it is, the less likely that I will decide to share. The vast majority never get even as far as first base. All this is involved in my concept of giving (or not) my power. I hope that makes some sense.
“To be nobody-but-yourself
— in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else —
means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting”
e.e. cummings, A Poet’s Advice
sorry im just so used to a certain response.. in the “new agey” world there was a LOT of clumsiness indeed! and one of them I am sensitive to is a well intentioned desire to give the “power back” to the “victim” by saying anything that happens to the victim belongs to the victim.. and also is their fault! (karma… a person DRAWS ALL happenings to themselves) injures the victim! and means they simply couldnr address the perpetrators so they tell victim “oh its all you and how YOU respond/handle things etc..well that also has gone overload in one direction… it got to the point I couldn’t even open my mouth to say this bad thing happened to me without the immediate response being “that’s YOUR karma” so now that’s yet another battle im in tuned to.. and so that’s why I said what I said… it is about time:) that actual perpetrators pay/realize.. for what they do and actual victims are protected… but not just “talked about” I like your poem it actually is exactly the truth… I needed…overkill I also came to realize was “over correction” which is injurious when the one someone wants to help/correct was already and it was for themselves that they were doing it.(and they make that clear). I experienced that a few days ago and it was hurtful.. so I have to ensure it doesn’t happen again…
You might find this WordPress site both welcoming and helpful:
http://gentlementalannie.com/
Have a look around there and find out where she is coming from and why.
And as for “new age”; after all it’s only one letter away from sew age. 🙂
I think its better if people say “this happens to you and its wrong and we have no answer for it? the truth! that would be less scary…I am the one who does the loving for example.. I do not have need to receive it back from those who cant.. but I also prefer they say they cant…(less they inadvertently abuse In process of trying to just have a reply)
Perhaps we are coming from very different places, Susan. Here’s another of my pennings:
WHO DO I LOVE?
Bodies are costumes
Please awaken now, all those
Who identify too closely
With their current costume
Suits of clothing
Never fall in love
Spirit does not need to
Overkill
https://bennaga.wordpress.com/2016/01/08/who-do-i-love/
lol that’s what I mean.. whenever I say this happened to me.. people say its MY bitterness
it never ends
double fold abuses
meant well but who can bear it…? no one normal or loving can bear not only that this happens to them but that people say “well that’s yours”
that would be double insidious!
its called scapegoating
its shocking!!!!
You are making some fairly serious assumptions about me here, I see. Can you stand to believe that I too once stood in my own version of your history and current situation? Can you accept that I am neither blaming nor patronising you? Please try to see my comment as a gesture of compassion, however clumsy, however distant? At this distance I can do little to harm you, not that I have any intention of doing so. Of course something I have put into words here might prove painful, but if that is the case then please put it down to my verbal ineptitude.
I regret your pain and bitterness, Susan.
its fear yes.. I have done just what as recommended and known what love is and that is OPEN UP and SHARE and JOY and then it time and time again until it became countless it was met with evil, abuse .. INTENT and I mean unshameful obvious intent to say ew haha, look at that “love and trust” you showed me now I will destroy it and watch you squirm
MK ULTRA style! (I had to look that up) yes there are countless people like this now
which does mean that I guess THEY Had their love and trust destroyed in like manner and now look to do it to others
love is not a toy
you cant go looking for nice loving people to destroy
and that’s what they are doing now with intent..
why couldn’t they have pity on when it happened to them and precisely NOT do the same to others
for this cause I will NOT do this to others
they are guilty… and yes .. pain..due to lack of trust and LOVE being intentionally made fun of/destroyed
well it lets us close up and know perhaps we are around “strangers” or an alternate lifeform/species/enemy etc
nature lets us know
that they are “unnatural”
for their reaction to love and openness…
people throw around the words often these days “sociopath” and “narcissism”
to explain this unusual unnatural behavior
no love can be so hurt and destroyed that it can go and seek out the SAME..INNOCENCE and ABILITY IN OTHERS to still be able to love and TARGET it…that’s pure greed and self serving,selfishness
they actually see the love as a tricky disease! (due to whatever happened to them)instead of what to uphold..
why become what you hate?
maybe its a way they are saying.. hey look this was destroyed so lets get this over with ill destroy yours too and we can see where to go from here.. together…
I swear I see it almost everyday
they say now its 1 in 6..for sociopath/narcissism
they are the ones you cant love as they fight it and destroy you.. in turn ..
they expected it to just STAY in the “first” place and never get taken from them..
they have a point in that as well…
if you give them joy and happiness now they say its a lie..but whats shocking is what comes from them instead over time
it starts to turn into not JUST a lack of love or a weird feeling or belief ABOUT love..but it can rot away the insides of the person til they ALSO are into abominations and cruel abuses and much more..they aren’t content alone with just a bitter feeling.. they turn.. into ….something else… to always look deeper and deeper for NEW ways to torture their victims… whatever makes a person feel nautious or disturbed or whatever would destroy their happy sunshiny day trust me they look for that… results in all sorts of abberant behaviours… specific to the person…
they say what “that” person wont like or what will hurt “that” person in particular.
its happened to me many times
I have decided they are unnatural at this time and leave it at that. I am now wise to it.
it used to hurt me like hell til I realized.. the ONLY thing that was hurting was EXPECTING that person to treat me well…
many have come to this conclusion…