waiting on what?

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I don’t have a good reason to post. Not gonna let that stop me; if I wait much longer, so much will have changed that we’ll never catch up and that’s no fun. So I’ll just unfurl the shopping list as if it’s notes to myself, and we’ll see how it goes.

Last year swept by like a Fellini movie – a silent one, with no editing. Chaotic, fluid, layered, ambiguous, disconcerting, nonsensical at times, yet sprinkled with bizarre reassurances that all is well and all is perfect. Time to speak.

Bottom line for me: focus and stop beating around the bush. Illusory time passes swiftly; we’re going to get left behind if we don’t pick up the pace. Stop looking to others. Point to yourself and get a move on. Open up.

I’m not worried about the planet blowing up or some secret society completely annihilating our last ember of love and effort. It’s all possible, and if it comes to that I’ll just check out. For now, here I am. There’s still hope.

DAY TO DAY: Mundane work clutters the inner landscape. Try not to resent working to pay bills; seems to be the nature of this place and it’s our own creation. Don’t know about you… tired of it. Quitting’s not the answer; answer seems to lie in seeing oneself in the mirror of “Other”, ya know, the ones that make us so angry and scared. Lighten up.

RELIEF: Trips to the shoreline of artistic expression; holiday dreamtime filled with words and images from other times and worlds. Daily grind feels like a period of waiting. Progress on hold, until the world ripens and has had enough of the silliness. Stop trying to escape; it was your idea to come here.

PRIORITIES: They shifted. More practical and focused in an odd inner way. Less indulgent towards fear and paranoia. Everyone is right; no point in dwelling on it. That just muddies up the energy: dead weight. Stop wasting time on that. Not being mean, cold, or callous. Just scolding the toddler running into the street.

EXPLORATION: Hypnotic regression, meditation, writing, editing, testing waters, finding brothers and sisters. Accepting: this world is not home. Home is light and fluid and oscillating, shimmering particles of emptiness that arise as whatever we need. See more, feel more, be more. Develop confidence.

OBSERVATIONS: The more I look, the more looking seems pointless, because all is… already here. ‘Pointless’: the nature of our dilemma: We’re just here because we got bored with being brilliant. Ready to go home?

BOTTOM LNE: Until enough people dig in and get to know their minds, whether through meditation, dreamwork or other methods, we’ll continue to move really really slowly. Just like now. We ain’t ready ya’ll. Are ya workin’ on it? I’m trying; but most of the time I feel like I’m doing a pretty half-assed job of it. It’s going to take all of us. Stop thinking you’re better than others. Stop thinking you’re right; there is no wrong. There is no nothing, either. Don’t be a lazy nihilist. Engaged nihilists look a little deeper and find there really is everything, not nothing.

I’M PROCESSING THIS: Regressions, sessions and dreams clarifying past, present and future roles, while leaving just enough behind the veils to keep me intrigued. If I get bored, I’m leaving. Just bein’ honest. I’m still waiting to be convinced. For me, it’s Buddhas, Star People, and Earth People (First Nations/Aborigines/Natives, whatever you wanna call it…). Explore and expose the links, find yourself and tie it all together. Get that book published.

On a more mundane note, for friends who might really want to know:

I’m still in Jacksonville, Florida, same job, different apartment and neighborhood, still fascinated by the puzzle that each day’s piece fits into. Yes, I still miss my son and the mountains and my mountain friends.

I’ve found a lovely Buddhist group that I’ve become very involved with, understanding I have a role to play there for the moment. I’ve resumed my formal practice, lightly, and enjoy feeling that connection in that way again. I admire the Karmapa. He’s got a lot on his plate, and he sure better get busy. He can do it; he’s one of us.

I’m still very aware of my Guides and that they engage me and influence me on so many levels, but the ‘voices’ and images have become far more subtle, almost impossible to describe.

I’ve been working on my book All About Enlightenment, heading towards publication through CreateSpace (Amazon). No predictions on when that might happen, because a few months ago it became clear that a major re-write was in order, including substantial additional material. And just as that picked up momentum, some Buddhist-things came up that drew my time away. It’s all good.

Dreams continue in fits and spurts. Lots of meetings, explanations, ships, other worlds. Progress is slow. I’m not here alone, but we are few and far between. I’m starting to meet more and more friends – people in the flesh – with whom I share connection. That tells me things are starting to converge. At least a little. Look for folks you can meet and have coffee with. We have already established our long-distance connections. Take a chance, speak up, even if you believe you live in a oppressive society.

Work continues, we move forward, and trusting in the process is how we hold this space. We don’t need proof, we don’t need baby blankets, we don’t need to talk about what we do. We are very active and it’s okay if we don’t remember it when we come back here.

Moments are like interlaced eons. Our brains can only process so much at a time. When we stop to look for reassurance, the whole thing slows down tremendously. Do what you feel you need to do, and don’t worry if others are not in the same space at the same time as you.

Be light; in every sense of the word.

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5 comments on “waiting on what?

  1. Hi Leslee, Its funny I was drawn here today as I was also lead once more to begin contact with Laura again. The numbers are flowing 111,222,1212,1111,333 they are becoming a part of this existence a part of the changes I must make in the physical. I am pushing through I am connecting to others that share the way things should be working to help many world wide. Once the masks of this existence are removed and we become our authentic selves I have found much comes in. I now allow the universe free reign to pull me forward sometimes it is uncomfortable sometimes I pull back but this path is my path and it is where I belong. I crave to go home as I look to the stars but I feel the love around me and its flow through my heart. This past year I have been quiet I have not found that still place that I love why i guess the answer is in growth. The painting is very beautiful flowing in a sea of beauty and growth that just is will be that is what I see. Take care beloved sister. Life is moving us once more but I feel this one is a big one for us all. I have missed your insight. Blessed hugs full of love I send to surround you today Suzanne xxx

    • Hi Suzanne, it’s so nice to hear from you! And to hear that you’re hanging in there and allowing. I think our quiet places seem so elusive right now… To remember them helps a little, doesn’t it, even though that’s not the same as being there. I’m sending you big hugs of light too – be well, sister!

  2. Wonderful. Glad to see you back friend. Very inspiring.
    Things happen the way they need to & we do what we can with the time we have.
    Namaste leslee

  3. Yes this is an excellent summary of the current template. 🙂 Great love to you Leslee. Thank you for sharing this as you have a gift for framing the issue at hand. I still don’t like paying the bills though. 😦

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