SONG* “What Have I Done to Deserve This” by The Pet Shop Boys
In Dreams They Come…
Mysterious, with riddles and no reason
But for some it’s a miracle,
Inspiration that drives and compels
To go on when life feels empty
And hopeless, trapped by a reality
Of rules we did not make, of a hell
We have little control over…
A guiding light of Inspiration,
A gift from God, from the Universe?
So many Questions…who, what,
When, where…Always why?
Endless answers, endless possibilities…
It’s different for everyone…
The Bravest go on to live, to
Chase dreams…The weak settle…
I swear settling seems like the most
Painful word to hear…
But for some hope comes in dreams…
It can take many forms, yet it
Always bears the same courageous
Charm that knows no limits or
Boundaries or laws…MAGIC.
In this essence, in magic, that
Comes from dreams…with faith
And a prayer it can do amazing things…
Keep going, you must always
Keep going…that’s what the box says.
Now…the pen is given and guided
By his voice, with a welcoming and
Kinder tone…Varence tells the tale
I asked for.
“It was never my intention to create
A myth or a mysterious riddle…
For Ages the Watchers have been
Held back by binding laws that
Restrict intervention…yet there are
Always chanced opportunities…
Offering ways that we can do
Something…so some of us take that
“As I have said before, or tried to,
We have learned the best way to
Convey a message is through a story.
Believe it, don’t believe it…stop
Now and walk away and chase
Something else…but don’t read on
And complain of cryptic words…
By now it should be clear there’s
More going on here than meets the
Eye…You won’t find the answers
You’re looking for simply in any
Obvious place on pages printed
From the past…The overseers of
Earth bind the truth and edit
Everything to prevent anyone
From discovering things…That’s when
I attempt chance stories throughout
Times like this…to break their
“And for the record, the Watchers
Aren’t Fallen Angels or Demons…
Don’t test my patience with
Ceres laughed as she sat beside
Him watching the scowl on his
Face. “He asked you to tell him
The story of your Oberon…Not
Interject words of your temper…
Varence…Don’t waste time please.”
“I am calmly composed.” He
Assured her with only a slightly
She crossed her legs and played with
Her fingers over her knee as she
Watched me write. “The impossible
Boy is vexed by criticism…how…
Entertaining.” She threw her
Head back and laughed. “I love it.”
“Vexed?” He said to her with a
Serious face. “You think I am
“This…was your idea, not mine.” Ceres
Said firmly to him then looked to me.
“It’s amusing to say the least.”
“To be challenged by idle minds when
I offer genuine help?”
She laughed again. “Genuine? A rhyme…
Riddles…I tell plainly, you indulge
With words and call it thinking…”
“Would you like to tell the story then?”
He asked her sarcastically. “Will you
Spare nothing of a word of support
She eyed him with a sly smile. “That
You would ask me…of this Oberon?”
She laughed. “I had no choice
Nor interest in that idea you had…
And words of support? Ha! I am
Here for him ONLY,” she pointed
To me, “Not you…remember that.
If you want to entertain reasoning
With foolish deductions of your
Identity…only an idiot would try
To reason with fools. Just tell the
Story and stop wasting time…You
Always tell him…who cares what
They think? So yes, I find this
Amusing that now you hesitate
To win over a moment…when there
Are far more important things
“Offer me something.” Varence
Gestured with a sincere expression
As he held his hand out openly
In his lap. “Because for his
Sake,” he nodded to me, “You are
Involved too…Now don’t deny it.”
She eyed him fiercely. “Fine.
If I am to take part, for his
Sake I will offer this…He,”
She nodded once at him, “Is not
A Demon, nor Fallen Angel…Idiot
Yes, but not a Fallen Angel. How’s
“Ceres…” He groaned rolling his eyes.
“An idiot for fools to toss coins
Or rings of ideas at.” She laughed.
“Chance reason with him, and you
Will sadly be waiting a long time.
So…save your time, and as I do
And have done so many times…just
Call him an idiot.” She beamed
A victorious smile. “Can we begin
The story now?”
He curled his lips with frustration
With his eyes staring upwards
As if begging for help from above.
He knew arguing with her was
Pointless… “Fine…onwards with
“And no wasting time with pleas of
Understanding why you did it…Just
Tell it.” She somewhat growled at him.
“Tell it true…And that’s not me
Asking…It’s what you will do.”
He sighed, but gave in…eyeing me
With a gentle humorous chuckle. She
Did have a way with words, especially
With him. And she was right he did
Always say stop worrying what others
Think just do it…The job, the mission,
Whatever it required, distractions
Just waste time.
His eyes wandered slowly up then
Down, dancing sideways and all around
As he composed the story in his head to
Be written down.
“It was never my intention to impart
A riddle nor cryptic message, not once,
Not ever…to anyone. You must
Understand that. We, I, must move
Carefully in everything I do. To
Encourage the right moment, the
Right dawn of idea is no easy task,
Many argue…Just tell me, give
Me the answer? Would they do it
Then only once…or follow it with a
Thousand more requests? Then
Preach to others of their marvelous
Discovery they solely alone made…
HA! Few give credit where it is due,
So few, thank you…”
“You are babbling again…” Ceres moaned
Playing with her fingers with her
Hand over her knee and eyes staring
Off past the Circle of Light.
Varence paused then went on patiently…
“Consider this as we begin…Ideas,
Inspiration…can you honestly say
From where they come? For with all
Things there is a cause and effect…
A push…and a reaction…Be they
With whispered words, or the
Chance of an image that falls before
The eyes…All dreams come from
Somewhere…Some are independent
Creations of an intuitive mind…while
Others are influenced…Very often,
Too often, the creativity found in
One can inspire countless others…
“There are mysteries in the universe
One day you…and all of Earth will
Discover are not limited to the minds
Of your world. Stories and scenarios
Repeat in endless combinations everywhere…
The music, art and literature of one
World is very much like that of many
Others…If you think love stories are
Restricted to Earth, think again.
“And forgive me again for this seemingly
Strange dialogue…but again I am offering
You a very obvious clue. These musings
Are gifts from a Universal Source…
Art inspires…Visual stimulation is
Very powerful…Anything with the
Senses is. Consider that, really think
About…Eyes and Ears…pause,
Reflect, eyes and ears.” He pointed to
His own then went on. “The mysteries,
The questions you seek…The answers
Are more simple than you know.
“In rare minds are born talent, guided
By time and whatever passion or
Joy or agony they traverse…but more
Importantly they are also relevant
To the solutions for tragic problems
That the logical mind debates
With science. To put it plainly, Bill…
“The box…the locks, the keys…the
Artwork has a power science will
One day know. Songs answer
Riddles…The Forces that shape the
Universe…Time, Light, Sound…The
Visual masterpiece…the words written
Down…and music…These are all powerful
Tools…weapons…and cures to
Anything and everything. Do you
Understand? Heaven grants gifts this
Way everywhere…They can solve
Any problem…There are cures there…
In time they will learn this…The
Greatest works of art, literature and
Music…also hold the keys to all
The secrets of the Universe…
“The gifts granted to the great
Composers will cure many diseases…
“Words can heal…Art can save lives,
In its essence…The alchemy, the
Pencil lead becomes the priceless gold…
Building things…that no logical mind
Could come up with on its own. One day
They will see…”
He sighed, laughed, then sat up tall
And straight… “Every so often I
Chanced to give a message to someone.
Nothing grand, just a taste to chase
A dream creatively with someone
Lost…So here this was, how it happened
Ages ago to mortal Earth, but not
That long to the Watchers…It was
Just a typical day of observing and
Recording data for the ships records.
“All demons have vessels to
Record data of Earth’s activity you
“Varence!” Ceres snapped. “Enough
Of your bruised ego. Tell the story.”
He grinned then continued. The words
Take new direction now, to spare his
Ego from brooding.
Varence sat in the Captain’s chair,
Casually observing the surface…details,
Scans, tedious notes taken and recorded.
With lightning speed. Cities, villages,
Countries far and wide…crude
Weddings, funerals, births…children
Playing…Tribes hunting and fighting
In the tropics…Brutes and bullies
In the North…Emperors, kings and
Queens in lands with castles and
Gatherers…tales of woe from the poor
And abused…Tales of misunderstanding
And philosophy from those with
More convenient life styles…Those
With money had more time to think,
Preach and scheme…while those that
Were born less fortunate to work had
Less time for games…
The one steadfast constant…hope…faith…
And their polar opposites…greed and lust.
Love was the gamble in between…They
All wanted it, few understood and
Appreciated it…But artists, writers
And composers were always compelled
To paint it…to write it down…to
Sing it or play it with music…
Ah, the reliability of the arts…
To chase love…and thus secretly
He tapped his finger on the console
As the endless data streamed in
To record…It came so fast; individual
Details were scarcely significant…Only
The big picture was clear, how the
Earth was growing, changing. But
Occasionally here and there voices
And faces stood out…from all manners
Of lands, societies and classes. There
Were echoes of speeches and decrees
From the rulers…love songs, brief epics
Of struggle for mortal important things…
That were otherwise meaningless far
Away and above.
Prayers always caught his ears and
Eyes, the Earth of the believers in
Something bigger and better beyond
Measure of what they know. Now
That was merit. If only people knew
How much faith caught the attention
Of those watching from higher
Some thought logic was the true sign
Of intelligence. HA! Logic was a
Bitter scheme of the mind to control
Things, it’s reasoning varied on every
World…and always depended on
Power. Ah, they never learn. Yes, chase
Logic…run round and round, build
Your sciences, chain nature…Faith
Was more pure and passionate, the
Rhythm of virtue and humanity…It
Knew only reason of the heart…
And was a mysterious as the Universe
Itself…there are vast clues there. It
Was much like art…inspired from
Ethereal forces…no reason, no logic…
It was born of mystery…That’s
Why such things are priceless.
As he sat calmly studying the
Data…he saw how the time passed
So quickly there…The time, the timing…
A different measure for the Watchers
Who exist outside of time.
Perhaps it was time again to chance
A brief interaction of inspiration. Sure,
He was plainly bored…It was not
A devious scheme, only a notion…
A random guess. He studied the
Lands very quickly, then rolled his
Finger around and fell to point it
Down upon an old Britain…They
Had such a charming language that
Danced through his ears…words that
Truly intrigued his mind. The
Composition of words to communicate
Is fascinating…because so few
Communicate very well.
Varence slowed down the data stream
For closer examination…In mortal terms
He slowed his view of time to one we
Understood…to minutes, hours, days…
Ah, a voice caught his ears…of a
Writer, poet, aspiring play write…
Without much though he froze the
Data stream to a snail’s pace…
Mortal time…And listened closely to the
Writer’s mind and the poetic verses that
Ambled through it and struggled there.
The man was very wordy and troubled.
But still creative, and thus receptive.
Perfect! The ideal choice for a dream
To be delivered.
Varence took one of the astral crystals,
Placed it on the panel for sending and
Receiving…and summoned this writer
As he slept to the Bridge to stand
Before him in a dreamy state…
Varence sat tall and proud, still dressed
In robes…The drape Ceres had covered
Him with not long ago…to them…He
Appeared quite the sight to this mortal
Man of old Earth…Powerfully built,
Fearless looking, of pale complexion
And an expression of calm amusement.
Camlo was there, his blond associate
Sat stunned at his station in his blue
Uniform as their new visitor appeared
Very shaken. Camlo of course said nothing.
“Where am I?” Asked the man. “What
“You are very interesting.” Varence said
To the man in a tone that was
Mighty and confident; the perfect
Immortal tone. “Your work, your words,
You render them well.”
The man hesitated. He was dreaming, yes?
“Who?” He was nervous to speak, and
Could only take in the strange surroundings.
The sparkling lights of the panels of
The bridge seemed like a magical place.
“It’s a dream you are having,”
Varence assured him, “Rest easy, it
Is just a dream of your Mid-Summer…
It means nothing…”
“Who?” The man wondered with fantastic
Awe as he looked around.
“Ah yes, names amuse you…” Varence
Felt very bored but riddlesome…he
Needed a touch of humor. “I am Oberon,
Lord of the Faire…”
Camlo’s eyes nearly burst. Had he heard
“The Fair Folk of the Woods?” The man
Asked. “The fairies and nymphs of
Varence gestured with wide eyes. ‘Here
I sit…You see me…I am as real
As you believe…Whatever your eyes
And ears tell you, that is what I am.”
“Lord Oberon…” the man weakly
Repeated…humbled, fearful, totally in awe.
Camlo was so shocked he could not move.
“Your words and mind amuse me”
“I amuse you?” The man asked.
“Yet you struggle to write down what
You feel…” Varence studied him with
The brave ego of something beyond even
His imagination. “Your words carry
Across many ears…Stop worrying so much
What people think…write it down…Be
Brave, you inspire, so be it and inspire.
Give them something to chase and
“But I…” The man was just overwhelmed.
“Political unrest and scandals are
Ceaseless…They never change the world.”
Varence told him with a proud tone.
“When art is brave with love it
Has power…it speaks to the heart
And puts courage there.” He leaned
Forward giving the imposing presence
Of something masterful. “Give them
Magic…Tell them tales of Lord
Oberon…Your Kings and Queens
Have no power over me…I watch
Them be born, I watch them die…
Their castles and kingdoms do not
The man was at a loss of words. “Sir?
“Take this dream I offer you and
Give them Magic…” Varence went on
Dramatically. “Inspire…Test and
Tempt their faith and love…And
Give them Magic. Your world has no
Power over me…I could bend and
Break your world if I desired it so.
“But lord I am a mere player of words.”
The man pleaded. “I—“
“See this dream as chance,” Varence
Of Oberon imposed upon him with such
A mighty presence it was fantastic, “Life,
The life you live is a game. Rules
Weigh down your reasons…You dare to
Entertain the crown? The crowds? Your
Words put more in their minds than
You know…set yourself free and write
It down…Ages will live upon your pages,
Generations will thrive on what you
Dare to do and others not…Tell them
Of Lord Oberon and shake the foundations
Of their belief…and build dreams.”
The man was at a loss of words…Was
He hearing right? This Lord of the Faere,
Of Magic lore was putting faith in…him?
Just then, from a distance an absent
Ceres was returning to her station on the
Bridge. She had been making a call
Home to her sister when she was struck
By the strangest sensation…a new presence
Among them? She approached the bridge
Slowly catching the echo of the
Conversation on the bridge…What was that
Scoundrel up to now?
“Now listen to me,” Oberon said to the man,
“You are a true master of words, ears
Listen to you, minds dream with the pictures
You paint. But your world is locked in a
Pitiful embrace of ignorance…Limitations
And crude concepts. They chase ideas but
Never manifest the magic. They are but
Puppets to the crowns that keeps them…
Politics…how boring. They dream and
Waste their time not living, not doing…
Throwing tantrums over nothing…idle
Chatter, gossip…preaching…adoring, what?
Themselves? They fight over nothing…
You entertain children. Inspire them with
Magic and turn them into men. Write
About Goddesses and Muses and make
The little girls into women…”
The man was clearly confused, but
“These children of your world wouldn’t
Know a real woman if they saw one.”
Oberon went on like a grand orator; while
Camlo sat stunned with his jaw wide
Open. “Now…let me tell you about
A true woman…A woman of true
Power and Grace, a Goddess of Nature
Whose beauty shines everlasting above
And through the stars and the sun and
The moon …A woman of wisdom and
Splendor, divine of virtue that could
Charm the wildest wicked beast with
Her song and charms…A TITAN…A
Woman so strong no one dare challenge
Her…All of Nature bows before her,
The Fierce Lions arte cubs to her, the
Mighty bears her little babes…let me
Tell you of this Goddess…this TITAN…
Just then Ceres entered the bridge to a
Scene which left her stunned. There
Was a man in a nightshirt standing
In a Circle of Light before her scheming
Coworker…The fool was filling
His head with some terrific game!
But the man’s eyes fell upon her
And went so wide they nearly popped
From his skull. There stood the most
Beautiful, perfect vision her had ever
Seen, nothing could compare to her,
NOTHING! He moaned with awe…and
Some mortal lust.
Varence followed his eyes and
Turned to see Ceres standing there in her
Red dress and flaming wavy golden hair…
A vision…with the expression of
Scorned rage. “This is my—“
“TIT…ania…” The man weakly
Moaned with hungry eyes.
Ceres immediately sensed the man’s
Roaming eyes and childish hormonal
Thoughts upon her and was DISGUSTED.
“No, no” Varence attempted to
Correct the man’s careless slip of the
Tongue. “This is—“
“The Fairest of the Faere, a Queen
Suitable to Lord Oberon!” The man
Ceres gasped and blinked at the words.
“What did he say?”
“The Magnificent Oberon and his Fair
Titania!” The man declared, the sight
Of her filled his head with boundless
Ideas…most dreamy adolescents
Could identify with this.
“Oberon?” Ceres repeated. “Lord Oberon?”
“Have you come to serve your Lord
Fairest Queen?” The man humbly asked.
“Serve?” Ceres repeated with revulsion,
She sensed exactly what he meant
And her stomach turned. She then
Walked slowly into the room…Very
Sultry and frothing with the anger
Of a Tempest. “What has the Lord
Oberon been minding?”
“I am Puck.” Camlo chimed in. “The
Satyr of the Woods…”
“Ah of course attending the Lord’s
Whims.” Ceres nodded as she stood
Beside the throne to eye the scoundrel
“Now this is not as it appears.” Varence
Said somewhat shyly.
“There’s no need for words.” Ceres
Beamed dramatically. “The Lord is
Graced with brilliance, he knows all
And sees all…The Master of Time
And Fate…Oberon is the great bearer
Of words to the Fortunate Few,
Brave hearts needing his guidance.
The wisest of men are but cheats
And fools by comparison…For Oberon
Is grander than all the stars in the
Night sky, and I wake but to
Take in the breath of Oberon…To
Take in his essence, his charms and
Everlasting glow…The God over mere
Men…So fair and handsome no
Words have been made to reflect
His eternal overbearing presence…To
Call him a mere man is but an
Insult…for Oberon…” She played with
Her hair and really played it up. “Delight
Me with words my Lord, thy Grace
And Grandeur gives me life to live…
For I could not exist without Oberon,
I could not see, nor hear, nor feel, nor
Touch without Oberon…Why the
Sight of him fills me with such warmth…
It BURNS…My eyes look upon
Him…and they are on FIRE…”
The man twitched with delight as
He listened to her… “Ah, My Lord…
The Fair Titania adores you…You
Are the Most Fortunate Lord to have
Such a Queen adore you!”
A silent pause. Varence eyed Ceres
And saw no adoration in her eyes, but
Instead an inferno of concealed rage.
“Those words I believe are said
In haste…” He nodded playfully. “Perhaps
You should return now to your slumber
And consider what I have said…write…
“Great Lord Oberon I am forever
Humbled,” the man humbly said, “Oh
Fair Titania…No vision will ever
Varence cut him off there and sent the
Man back to his bed sound and safe
Asleep…Where he would dream the
Dream of dreams!
Silence…Tension filled the bridge.
“Oberon?” Ceres simply asked.
“Now Ceres…” He tried to say.
“Oberon?” She repeated.
“And I am Puck.” Camlo quietly
“Ceres I was attempting—“ Varence
Tried to explain…
“A great talking Phallus!” Ceres
Shouted. “That is precisely what
“May I explain?” He begged.
“Can you? Should you? Do you know
How?” Ceres scolded. “The Phallus
Speaks words of reason?”
“Ceres, please…” He said…
“Phallus, please…” She replied.
“Phallus…” She only recoiled.
“Ceres!” He returned.
“Phallus!” She said louder.
“Ceres!” He yelled.
“Phallus!” She shouted. “A great
Giant talking Phallus!”
“Ceres!” He groaned.
“Phallus.” She growled.
“Will you please stop calling me that!”
“Could I? Should I?” Ceres said
As she turned and spun about, then
Looked down at her chest. “Do
Breasts have words also?”
“Ceres!” Varence shouted.
“Phallus!” She shouted back.
“That is not what I intended,”
He defended, “I said TITAN…
I was trying to employ the inspiration
Of a great woman…”
“That is not what he saw,” she
Growled, “These imps and their
Hormones do not think clearly…
Their minds are tainted always…
“Ceres!” He begged.
“Phallus!” She yelled.
“Ceres, please!” He begged.
She turned to bitterly walk away.
“Phallus’s do not apologize…
They rise and fall.” She paused
To stare him down. “You rose…
Now fall…The next time you
Talk about me to anyone I will be
There to make things quite clear.”
Varence rolled his eyes then stroked
His hand over his face fretting
Over consequences…she was furious.
“Is there nothing I can say now?”
“How much more can a Phallus speak?”
She asked. Then she walked away
Before he could answer.
And now, the final words for now…
“You see…she is a Titan, no Titania
There ever was…” Varence said calmly
With the pen on paper here. “But more
Importantly read and deliver this
Message to the eyes and ears…
We were here long before the
First King that ever was…And
Will be long after the last one…
A moment for us…is what for you?
Who sees more? If there was a
Game to play who would win?”
“Mountains will move.” Ceres added
Fast… “This time…Christmas is
In the spring…” She smiled wide.