PART 3: SILENCE
(From Leslee: I’m posting this in three parts – all on the same day – because of its length. Through these articles I’m sharing some personal points of view and explaining why I didn’t post regularly on my blogs for several months recently. These are all my words and opinions… aside from the Ghost Radar.)
23 March 2014
As I stepped back and took a look at where I was sitting in the big picture, I realized that I didn’t really want all that information. It was really distracting, and left me wondering if I still had any focus.
I understood that friends in all of my circles were frustrated and confused for a variety of reasons. They so badly wanted things to get easier, better…
I asked Heruka: “Really, why am I here? What benefit is there to my following these interests that trail down so many paths? None of them really seem to offer answers, at least not quick ones.”
I came to understand more deeply what I had begun to see in 2010, and was seeing even more clearly in 2012: Change takes time.
I think most of us really don’t want to go inside, do we? We actually kinda like it here, I think. It’s like solving a puzzle out here. If we go inside, it’s all up to us, because we see the illusion and lose the drama. Damn.
At times I would sit and request Adama or Ashtar Sheran or Mikos and others to tell me all kinds of inspiring things about what’s going on [fully]. I wanted to offer something to others, to help bring answers, encouragement. But I often found myself in Fuzzy Interference with them, too. It seemed as soon as a message would begin, I saw that what I was seeing or hearing was one version among many, of a possible outcome for…anything and everything. It was too boundless, too unclear.
And when the conversation ended, I still needed to go eat something and sleep and get to work on time. When I realized they couldn’t actually transport me out of that situation, their words didn’t seem quite so alluring. Especially when I knew that there were at least 20-gajillion other ways things could unfold. So if I got too wrapped up in the scenarios they were showing me, I lost track of where I was and [on] found myself even more frustrated by my day-to-day routine. [kept] I saw things moving both quickly and slowly, but that the significant changes only became apparent when I relaxed and did things I enjoyed.
I found that when I asked about Ships and Disclosure and Cities of Light manifesting, I didn’t like what I was seeing, didn’t want to share it. I didn’t want to be the bearer of slow tidings, much less the bearer of the news: “You’re not likely to see it on solid ground any time soon.” I projected onto others and myself: “We don’t want to hear that it’s in our hands. We don’t want the responsibility.”
We want the Cobras and Adamas and Metatrons and Keshes of the world to fix things for us, because we think the problem lies outside. Am I right, or am I just projecting?
That energy of focusing on something hoped-to-come leads me away from bliss. It draws me into wishing for something else, and while I’m doing that, illusory time passes and I find I haven’t enjoyed myself or helped anyone. Worse yet might be the possibility of finding regret lying in my path. No thanks.
I sort of went on strike for a while: Let me just live for a while, okay? I need a break.
Then, at some point, I realized that I really missed my friends, my community online. And that perhaps what I was experiencing might be of some value to others. Maybe I didn’t need to understand fully what was going on; I just knew that it was time to reconnect and start posting again. And to just lay it out as I see it and not worry about whether it’s what anyone wants to see or hear.
I also realized that I wasn’t being told these things would not appear – whether we’re talking ships or cities. I just wasn’t being given much detail or explanation. I needed to get over my personal wish to have the complete picture with all the answers before sharing things publicly. I just needed to trust and share the pieces.
In the midst of all that became more clear the role that meditation plays. I saw that even if a fleet of gorgeously radiant light ships were to land tomorrow and instantaneously offer everything we’ve all wished for, I wondered if we would know how to respond. Would we know ourselves well enough to honor that gift? I wasn’t so sure. What could improve that situation? Not the defeat of archons or currency changes or dissolution of governments, or even free energy. We could manage to screw up all of those opportunities if we don’t have the presence of mind to understand how we exist, where we come from and where we’re going, and to know how to check our own motivations and maintain our compassion and empathy.
So I saw I needed to say not only “It’s not gonna happen until we’re ready”; I also needed to say “We ain’t ready yet.” I don’t like that: being the messenger, or the message. But there you have it.
So this is why I press press press about working with the mind. It’s the root of everything, and the only thing we can control.
Fortunately, I’m not alone. I notice lately there are more and more people saying this, directly and indirectly, through many media in many walks of life. I’m so glad. Eventually it will become a part of culture and that’s how we will get ready.
Okay. Finally, I think I’m done for now and yes, that bloody FI has passed.
Thank you for reading, and for sharing this path with me. We will get there.